When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious shite about how hard things were.
When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning… Uphill… barefoot… BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of shit like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of forty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a F*CKING UTOPIA!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!
I mean when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the bloody library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! The stamps were 5 pence!
Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick the shit out of us! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and fuck it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favourite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause – that’s how we rolled, dig?
We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!
With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… forever! And you could never win.
The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you SPOILED LITTLE RAT BASTARDS!!
And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the cooker! Imagine that!
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You little arseholes wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or before!
Grumpy Ole F*cker
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