Paddy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady.

A few minutes later,

He couldn’t control himself and let loose a huge fart.

Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her

“Do you by any chance have today’s paper”?

The old lady said

“No, but the next time we pass a tree I’ll grab you a handful of leaves…

 

Johnny Farts In The Classroom

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.

The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.

He says.

“Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?”

Little Johnny says.

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.”

The principal says.

“Well then, why are you laughing?”

Little Johnny says.

“Because the dumb idiots are sitting in the classroom smelling my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean air.”

The Little Johnny Is Lying In Bed

The little Johnny is lying in bed, busting to go to the toilet.

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.

“MUM,” the Little Johnny yells at the top of his voice,

“I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”

Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son’s language in front of her guests and scolds the young boy.

“Johnny, we do NOT shout that kind of language in front of mummy’s guests! Next time, just whisper, okay?”

The little boy nods sheepishly.

His mum takes him to the bathroom and tucks him back into bed.

The next night, little Johnny is busting to go to the toilet again.

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and there is his mother, having a glass of wine with her friends.

“Mum! I gotta whisper, I gotta whisper!”

Mum excuses herself and takes Johnny to the bathroom, smiling at her son’s innocent mistake, but relieved that he was at least more discreet than last time.

She takes Johnny back upstairs and tucks him into bed.

“Well done, sweetie,” she says, kissing him goodnight, “that was much more polite.”

A few nights go by, and lo and behold, the little Johnny is busting to go to the toilet again.

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and there is his dad watching TV.

“Dad!” Johnny says softly,

“I gotta whisper, I gotta whisper!”

“Aw, is that so, little buddy?” says dad, his eyes fixed on the television.

“Come on over here and whisper in daddy’s ear.”