Best Story – A WOMAN

A WOMAN’S POEM:

He didn’t like the casserole, and he didn’t like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard, not like his mother used to make.

I didn’t make the coffee right, he didn’t like my stew. 

I didn’t fold his pants, the way his mother used to fold his pants, the way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him, like his mother used to do.

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed, when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question.

WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”

HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”

WIFE: “Why not – don’t you like being married?”

HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”

WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”

HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.”

WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”

HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”

WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”

HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”

WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”

HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”

WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”

HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”

WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?”

HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”